Project 52 + Beautiful Things from Rough Places (Week 14)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

So where oh where have I been for the last 2 months… I have been many places. I have been to the greatest of heights to the lowest of valleys. It’s been an interesting ride and I am here to share at least what I am able to put into words.

To put it bluntly, in March Daniel and I had a miscarriage. We had just found out in February, right before our 5 year anniversary, that we were expecting another little one. We had so much to celebrate. We absolutely love being parents to our little Shayla so the thoughts of another one were thrilling to us.

In March I had experienced some minor abnormal bleeding. So I went in for a very early ultrasound. Everything looked very small but very normal. I was asked to go on pelvic rest for 2 weeks until a follow up ultrasound. Two weeks later we did go into that ultrasound hoping to see a little fluttering heartbeat on the screen. We saw a normal sac but no little flutter. Devastation quickly came over that room, and what should have been our first OB appointment went to a miscarriage consultation.

We sat in the ever so tiny room that only seemed to be getting smaller by the moment, waiting to be told about our miscarriage. We talked about what options I had. I was offered a D&C the very next day, or to miscarry naturally.

What then followed was two weeks of hoping for a misdiagnoses. In fact I think one of my Facebook status’ that week had been, ‘Hope is worth holding onto until your told to let you. I’ve got a death grip on it’.

I chose to miscarry naturally. See we were told we had a blighted ovum. And there is a whole website for the misdiagnosed woman who go on to have happy healthy babies. Every part of me hoped for two more weeks that we would be one of those miracle cases. I hoped and prayed (as long as all of our close friends and family) that WE would be that couple who has a baby pop up unexpectedly on the next ultrasound.

Two weeks later, on Wednesday March 28^th, I miscarried naturally at home. I hadn’t done so completely on my own, and because I was so far along, I also had to have a D&C that Friday the 30^th.

How was I? An emotional train wreck. I cried for at least 3 days straight. At moments I would be fine, until I would run into a t-shirt with ‘Big Sister’ written on it, and then I would be on the floor crying. Then a day would go by and I’d think I was fine, and then my little girl, who was equally as excited about the baby would come up and say, ‘Mommy I wanna hug kiss baby belly!’. I would then loose it all over again.

We told Shayla that baby wasn’t ready yet for our family. We told her that baby had to go back to be with Jesus and when baby was ready again then it would come back. She seemed to understand that and eventually the requests to kiss my belly stopped. The final closure for us was when we went to bury what would have been our little baby in one of our favorite spots. Genesis 3:19 says ‘For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.’ It helped knowing that we were able to return our little baby, who was only ours for 10 weeks, to her heavenly father.

Yes, a blighted ovum means that a viable baby never did start to develop. But as another friend put it, 'the second you see that second line on a pregnancy test, your whole world changes'. Some people can say, ‘Well there was never a baby to begin with.’ But that’s not what my heart told me. The rest of your body continues like a normal pregnancy but there were either too many or not enough chromosomes for a healthy baby.

What God had done was saved us from what could have been a very unhealthy baby. For that I am very grateful to Him. But for 10 weeks my heart, my husband’s heart and my family’s hearts invested in the thoughts of another little one being added. And hearing and knowing that little one would never join us was devastating.

But eventually the tears stopped. And you know what? Beautiful things can come from really rough places. 

Close friends of ours have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. I met my girlfriend for lunch during the time we were still pregnant and had begun sharing the news with friends. I asked her how she was doing and her response was, “You know, I wouldn’t change a single day of what I have gone through. Its taken my relationship with the Lord to a place its never been before. I wouldn’t change any of that for a moment, even if it meant me getting my baby sooner. My relationship with the Lord is amazing.”

In the ever so brief few weeks that I had going through this, I caught a glimpse of what she meant. My relationship with the Lord grew and is still growing exponentially through this. I have never in my life leaned so hard into the Lord. Leaning into His promises, His Word, His truth.

My relationship with the Lord had grown complacent. I had moved into the routine of being mom to a 2 year old, working two jobs and keeping house. God was there in my nighttime prayers, but I put Him on a shelf during the day because I just had to get things done. I wasn’t including Him in life with me.

Good ole Romans 8:28 states that, ‘We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.’ Now even only 6 weeks past the surgery, I can see the good in it. I can look over my shoulder, turn around and say, ‘Awww. Got it Lord. I see what you were doing there.’

The Lord is definitely doing life with me everyday now! It only took me returning to Him on hands and knees desperate for an answer. But He picked me up, said, ‘I’m right here, and everything is going to be ok.’ I crave my devotional time with Him, journaling my heart out to Him. It feels good to feel His hold on my heart again. He loves us and is faithful to us, even when there are trials. If you draw close to Him, He will draw close to you. – James 4:8 It’s a promise!

So that’s where I have been and I’m now back! My creativity is ignited and I’ll start posting with my weekly photos next week!

With love,

Briana 

Project 52 + Was in a Funk (Week 13)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

So I'm just gonna put it out there; my 'no-excuses' attitude kind of went out the window for the last couple weeks. Oh I had all sorts of excuses. Everything in the book! Even blaming the camera itself for not listening to me properly! Hmmm. Sound lame? Does to me! I was even beginning to dread wedding season that is finally upon us!

To be honest, I was just in one of those creative 'funks'. If you are the creative type, you know what I mean. Writer's block doesn't just affect those with a pen and paper. 

I have recently been on a whirlwind of preparing my home for my best friends arrival on the 5th of March. I have been putting together all the odds and ends that have forever been on my list of to-dos. This beautiful friend of mine hosted me in her place, which she had lived all of about 4 days in, and it was completely decorated! Ceiling to floor and walls included. She had the place looking like she had been there for months already. 

I have been in my place for 3 years! I still have picture frames that don't have pictures in them, that I bought well before we even moved into this place!! Its embarrassing! And yes, I have had all the excuses in the world for that as well. First, it was 'I am pregnant', which turned into 'I have a newborn', to 'I am a working mom' and now 'My two year old wont let me stop dancing around the room in a tutu!'  

Truth is, I would be much happier in my house if I did have all these little projects put together. It would feel more like a home rather than a temporary living situation. Which I am pretty sure 3 years puts us far past the 'temporary'. My best friend coming was the much needed fire under my behind to get it done. And coincidentally, also the key to opening up my creative floodgates!

I decided to take some pictures of my own to hang on the walls of my guest bathroom. Let me tell you people, the funk is OVER! I had so much fun shooting these flowers and cant wait to show you the final project once its up. In the meantime, here is a little sneak peak. No theme needed right?

I feel the no-excuses itch starting to come back!

Always, 

Briana

Project 52 + Reflection (Week 12)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

I thought this was a perfect little moment of 'reflection' in dramatic form, from my little two year old this week. She is in that lovely phase of life that makes for numerous moments of reflecting on her choices. This was one such moment on Tuesday when we told her we had to go. She was having too much fun playing in the snow at Mogollon Rim here in Arizona.

Always, 

Briana

Project 52 + Colors (Week 11)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

There is a lot going on in this little Santiago family. My mind is overwhelmed! Today I took a 2 1/2 hour nap! What?! I never do such a thing, ever! So, this post will be another wordless one, comparatively speaking! 


This was taken up at my mom's house. Her house looks over the entire Phoenix valley. This makes for the most incredible spot to watch our fantastic Arizona sunsets. 


Colors at their very very best! 

Always, 
Briana

Project 52 + Nature (Week 10)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

Lovely nature, how I love thee! Nature is absolutely fascinating to me. Like this morning for instance. Oh how I wished I had my camera with me on my walk. Did anyone else here in Arizona get to witness that amazing sunrise? It was breathtaking!

In nature everything has its place. Everything has its time. Everything has its reason. Everything has its purpose. 

Literally, in the definition of nature is the word phenomena. "A situation that is observed especially one whose cause is in question." I love that! The very definition of nature corresponds with why I am so fascinated with it. The fact that so much of it 'just happens', unexplained. 

Granted a lot of nature, with our modern day technology, now can be explained. But so much of it still can't. And so much is still being discovered day after day, even though we have been on the face of this planet for thousands of years. I love the mystery it continues to hold onto and surprise us with.

I think it runs along with my fascination with the Olympics. For thousands of years the same physical human being has run harder, faster and better than the year of athletes before it. When a world record has been hit, it just means there will be one more broken the next year. 

As with nature, with each discovery that is made, it opens the door for a thousand more discoveries that have never been even attempted before! Nature has a beginning, but absolutely no end. Nature can be soft and pure like the intricate details of a stargazer lilly. Or it can be devastating and destructive like the force of water in a tsunami. It's to be admired and also respected. So much of it makes sense and so much of it never will. 

I remember when I was little and spent hours out in my childhood backyard. Nature became everything and anything that you wanted it to be. A pool was a black lagoon laden with alligators. A tree became a tower too high for any prince to climb. A long grass field became a barren wasteland we traveled desperate to find civilization. I loved nature and the imagination it let me create around it. 

Living in the beautiful state of Arizona we get to enjoy it often. Which is one of the many reasons I love it here so much. Not many get to spend quite as many hours out in sunlight as we do here. I dont take that blessing lightly and try to get out as often as I can. 

I encourage you to do the same. Breath in some new sights and more importantly some fresh air, recycled by nature it self, rather than some stuffy ac unit. It's healthy for the body and the soul! 

Always, 
Briana

Project 52 + Depth of Field (Week 9)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts.

Happy New Year everyone! I can hardly believe that 2012 is here! We see New Year all around us, don’t we? Ads on TV, radio, newspaper etc. Everything geared towards New Year resolutions. “A new year, a new you!” seems to be the general gist of most of them.

The Biggest Loser is one of our favorite shows in this house. And the new season just kicked off. Its so inspiring to watch people completely transform every aspect of their lives to make their goals come to life. I think their slogan is the best that I have heard, and the one that I want to incorporate into my life at this time. “No excuses!”

So in the midst of the ‘No excuses!’ mindset we decided to hike a mountain. It’s a mountain that I have always wanted to climb but never have. There has always been an excuse.

Excuses:

#1 – No trail - There is absolutely no trail. Its not a mountain made for casual hiking. Its all rocks straight to the top.

#2 – Snakes – I have been told that snakes like to nest and hibernate on mountains such as this one. I don’t really care to walk into their environment. I’m picturing Indian Jones! Pit of snakes and me!

#3 – Time – In the fight against the sun and making time to walk, it just never seemed to add up. I would never leave enough sunlight time to make it up and down before the sunset.

#4 – Too hard – Have you ever climbed a mountain that’s entirely rocks? Its like a stair master for 30 minutes straight. There is a reason why I avoid that machine in the gym.

And on and on. Well guess what? Finally I did it. I climbed that mountain. Even not feeling that well. NO excuses! I did it anyways. I made it up about 1/3 of the way. Then realized I needed to sit down and ‘take in the view’ while my brothers and sister finished the climb to the top.

It was at that little perch on that mountain that my ‘Depth of Field’ post came to me! Little did I know that such a moment would dawn on me right there. So I didn’t have my lovely Canon 7D with me at the time. These pictures are out of my little ol’ point-n-shoot!

I was busy looking at the gorgeous slate rock that we had been climbing up. There were tiny algae growing in it.’s crevices. The colors were amazing. The shapes the rock naturally made were fascinating to me.  The sun was setting at the time, so there was also a beautiful glow cast upon them as well. The slate rock basically molts right off of itself. (Which made the idea of climbing up it so reassuring!) Just like a little kid I started breaking the rock away from itself – so intrigued to see the next layer underneath. My depth of field was that rock and that rock alone!


After throwing a nice piece of slate down the side of the mountain, and watching it crumble into a thousand pieces below me, I looked up. I realized I hadn’t noticed the gorgeous sunset that was happening right before my eyes at all! And I had a front row seat to an incredible horizon! Talk about a change of depth perception. I was so fixated on that rock that I was missing a fantastic show of light!

Doesn’t this happen in life sometimes? At times our depth perception can be fixated on the little things going on that we fail to realize that the bigger picture is an amazing production. We worry about the house being decorated, the car being fixed, the dinner being prepared, the yard work or the bills getting paid on time. We get lost in the petty details of life that we forget the bigger blessings. Sure the house may not be decorated but there is a roof over our head at night. The dinner may not be a gourmet feast but there is food to be placed on the table and all our loved ones are around it!

In the same respect our perception can get lost in the ‘big picture’ and forget to notice the small details of life that make it so uniquely special. We can get so lost in accomplishing our massive ‘lifetime goals’ – and ourselves up when we haven’t gotten there yet – that we fail to recognize all the accomplishments we have made already. For instance my husband and I would love to own a home someday soon but have little down payment saved at this point. But we also have zero credit cards and own our car because of our diligence to paying those things off! Those are big deals!

My goal this year is to gain a little balance of both. I want to appreciate all the small blessings of my life. I want to get excited about the bigger goals ahead on the horizon. I want the let the small things fill my present with life and the big things give me the drive to tomorrow.  It’s a balance I hope to create this year of 2012. No excuses!

Always,

Briana

PS - I am sorry to those of you who were looking for a post last week. This time of the year is nuts in this house. We kick off the festivities with Christmas. My daughter then turned 2 on the 28^th (a week ago today), my husbands birthday on the 1^st, my mother-in-laws on the 3^rd and my dad ties it up on the 7^th! Madness!

Swallow your own medicine Briana! No excuses right!? From this point forward I WONT miss a post! I promise!

Project 52 + Light (Week 8)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts.

Early this morning I was thinking about todays post, wondering how I was going to translate light through my lens. As part of my normal getting up routine, I walked by my daughter’s room and glanced in to check on her. I then realized that the only way I can look in on her from the door is from the light coming through her closet.

We turn that closet light on and then crack the door just a bit to act as her ‘night light’. In the middle of the night when she wakes up and opens those little eyes, it gives her light to see. For her it’s seeing and knowing that she is still in her room, in her bed, with her stuffed animals. She then can close those little eyes and go back to sleep. For her that bit of light is security.

So I snuck into her room as quietly as I could to try and capture that security on camera. You should have seen how ridiculous I looked crawling into her room trying not to wake my sleeping angel.

So what is light?

Light is good. Think of movies. The good guy is always depicted as light and bright.

Light is the exact opposite of darkness. One literally cannot exist without the other. Which means light can never be completely consumed. It will infinitely exist.

Light is the element that makes things visible. We wouldn’t even have sight without light.

Light is warmth. Whether it’s the sun, fire or light bulbs, when there is light, there is warmth.

Light is security. The first thing I do when I enter a dark room is turn on the lights to see where I am and where I am going. People add lights to a home or workplace to make it feel ‘safer’.

Light is igniting. Fireworks, bond fires, candles.

Light brings this world to life. You can’t have photosynthesis without light. Therefore we wouldn’t have plants and life on this planet, as we know it.

And with this Christmas weekend upon us I am looking forward to celebrating that the Light of the World was born in a manager so many years ago. Celebrating the moment that light became HOPE for a world that had none.

I hope that you are able to share warmth, security and life with your family and friends this weekend. And because of it, that you feel a little lighter inside!

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Always,
Briana

Project 52 + Texture (Week 7)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

Tis the season, my most favorite of all the seasons! Christmas is upon us! My house has been decorated since Thanksgiving. Our tradition is we pull all the decoration boxes out and then we decorate while we watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.


Only to be watched on channel 12 of course! My husband learned that lesson this year. Channel 5, 10 or 15? No. ONLY channel 12 at 9:00am. I don’t care who else says they are covering the parade. No one else does it quite like channel 12.


It’s been a hard time leading up to this season though. There have been a series of not so fun events that have made this a little more difficult than most. Some I can share, like a car accident that I had on the 15th with my daughter. Thank the Lord that she was perfectly fine. I on the other hand had a lovely ER visit and a nice scar forever with me on my chest. I make a horrible patient so needless to say; the ‘slow road to recovery’ does not sit with me well! But I will be just fine.. This also explains my lack of Wednesday posts! 


Others of course I cant share on here… And even further are things I am constantly in prayer about for other friends and the ‘stuff’ they have going on. 


Texture is this weeks subject. This is a picture of an embroidered tablecloth that my grandparents brought back for me from one of their cruises. Its hand embroidered with all sorts of different thread. It’s beautiful. And I love looking at it. It’s amazing how a few different threads can create such texture on a piece of cloth when being sewn by the hands of an artist.

It’s funny though because when you look on the back of the tablecloth, it’s not so pretty. It looks like one giant ball of thread mess. The colors mix and mesh almost making the color of brown because of the amount of times that they cross over one another.


I started to think about the not so nice things going on in my life. Right now it looks messy and gross when examining all the ‘stuff’ that’s going on. It’s hard on the heart, hard on the pocketbook and makes enjoying a wonderful season like Christmas a little rough. You start to question, “Why? Why now?”


But maybe, just maybe, all these little hard things are beautifully intertwining so that when I see the tablecloth from the other side it makes a wonderful picture. You know the saying, I am sure you do. ‘All things work together for the good.’ Maybe in retrospect this time in my life will have taught me a wonderful lesson. Or maybe its pushing things in my life out cause they were distractions so I can focus on the new year with a clear mind. 


Already I am starting to think that these things bad things are happening right now so the distraction of Christmas can make it a little easier to get through. THAT thought makes all the hard a little more easy. 


I am looking forward to seeing the picture – 'the good' – that this is all ultimately going to create! I’m looking forward to seeing my tablecloth from the other side.


Always, 
Briana

Project 52 + Headless (Week 6)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts. 

The text for this is causing me some grief. So maybe my 'headless' post is also supposed to be a 'wordless' post, as the words are starting to make me want to pull my head off! So for now, here is the picture I took for my theme of headless. 

Project 52 + Food (Week 5)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts

I love food. I am the type of person that loves most foods and I am definitely willing to try anything. Yes, even if it sounds like something we in the US of A would never eat. I will at least try it and make my own decision on whether I like it. I don’t like being told what I like and don’t like. It reminds me of when you were little and your mom would say, “I know you are going to like it”.

But I can’t say that she was entirely on the wrong route either. She knew that if I just gave something a chance, one time, that I might really like it and want more of it. I am sure there were things that she tried once, with no success. Only to try it again a week later, maybe presented a little differently, cooked a little differently or completely unrecognizable because it was mashed up in a stew! 

Speaking of stew... Here is my soup from Paradise Bakery this week. Since its finally starting to hint at fall here in Arizona, I have been craving soups, stews and warm mocha drinks! 

What did mom know that we at 5, 8, 12 years old didn’t? That you acquire the taste for foods, as you get older. You may not always like your broccoli when you were 1 but then when you turned 2 they looked like trees and you thought ‘Hey! Eating mini trees is cool!’ – Definitely didn’t care for my mom’s peanut butter Thai pasta when I was 5, but by the time I turned 8, I thought it was delicious! And Sushi?! Heck no! At 12, the thought of it alone disgusted me! Yet alone the texture once you got it in your mouth! But now, I am a sushi fanatic! Just last night we went to Sushi Brokers, ordered 6 different roles, seaweed salad and calamari. And I could totally go for a whole different 6 roles tonight!


We acquire taste for things and our taste buds mature. Food becomes more of an area of life to discovery rather than just for fuel and energy, which is what its intended for. It’s a source of energy, nutrients, and antioxidants. Which ultimately keep our bodies running properly and extends our life. And sometimes that food takes some ‘acquiring’ time to appreciate and love.


Which got me thinking. How often does this apply to our life habits too? Just as we physically need fuel, we emotionally need fuel too. And lately the fuel I know that I need has taken a little bit of an ‘acquiring’ time frame. Creating a new habit always takes a little bit of persistence and focused dedication before it becomes a ‘habit’. It’s to be expected.


We sometimes require the creation of new habits to stabilize and benefit our emotional wellbeing. At this time in my life, I really want to start getting into The Word on a regular and consistent basis. Its not something I get up and say “Yes! I am going to go read the Bible. I am so excited!” Right now, Im not excited, to be completely honest. Sometimes its bland and monotonous, and I find my mind wandering. Then I have to apply the persistence and focus to keep going through the chapter.


Its kind of like starting a new workout routine, right? You wake up and go ‘No! Number one, I don’t want to get out of this bed. Number two, I don’t want to get out of this bed only to go sweat and physically exhort myself. Number three…’ and you could go on and on and on. But with a little persistence and focused dedication you get out of bed, workout and voila! Somehow you feel better because you did so! You have a sense of accomplishment; you feel great and know you are extending your life because of it! And the next morning, its just that much easier to get up cause you know what’s ahead is good!


I feel the same after I finish my quiet time in the Word. It may start off with me not wanting to do, questioning why I should even bother, and diligently trying to stay focused. But in the end, I am better because of it. A verse stands out that I definitely needed to hear, or a story relates to a friend and now I know how I can help them. My soul feels refreshed and ready to take on the world. In the end, I know I made the right decision and I’m thankful I got up.


It feels really good when something that you used to not have a taste for at all becomes something you out right CRAVE! I know eventually this will become something I crave. It will be food that I need in order to start my day.


Look at what new habits you need to create. And be patient with yourself. Whether its reading, working out, new eating habits or mending a relationship. It takes a certain amount of time to acquire a taste for what you are creating. It doesn’t happen overnight. Acquiring taste could take a week, a month or even a year. It’s a process of letting that new food become fuel for you. Rather than something you just put in your mouth; becoming something you crave rather than despise!


Always,
Briana

Project 52 + Faces (Week 4)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts.

This week’s topic is faces! As a photographer I love faces. My whole job is faces! Your face speaks volumes about who you are. And my goal is to capture that in a still image. Personally, I wear exactly how I am feeling on my face. I’m easy to read. And so is my precious baby girl, Shayla. Here is her face this morning when she saw a bunny! Can you mistake at all how she feels about that bunny? I then started to think about how important non-verbal communication is. As I have mentioned in my first post, Shayla doesn’t have a whole lot of vocabulary yet, as she is only 22 months. So non-verbal communication is everything to us. Its faces, its hugs, tears and kisses, hand pulling and leg-tugging. We communicate through everything that has nothing to do with words coming out of her mouth. I love people. I love communication. I love getting to know people through communication! And guess what? Even as adults to adults it’s not any different. The majority of our communication is non-verbal. A lesson we have all learned in this day of digital technology! Have you ever had that text, email, IM, Twitter/Facebook post, etc etc – whatever message – completely misunderstood? All because the receiving end did not read your written word correctly? I have… I tend to be sarcastic at times. Word to the wise… Unless the person really knows you, don’t use it! It never comes across the right way. Ever! Or have you received a message all in caps swearing that they were screaming at you? Or have you answered a text with a quick, “OK”, only to have the receiving party think you were being short and something’s wrong? When it really was the fact you have a purse, laptop, 22 month old, camera bag and groceries in your arms and just wanted to acknowledge their attempt to contact you! I’ve been there! Don’t get me wrong. I love modern technology! Its easy, convenient and I can have 6 different conversations going on at one time. What multi-tasking, working, mother of a toddler doesn’t love that?! Plus when thousands of miles away from one another, you can still feel close enough to touch. We LOVE Skype in this house cause our family is spread across the continent! But nothing, in my book, beats getting face to face with the people you love. Or even those that you don’t particularly love at the time. I remember arguing with someone over email. It was horrible. Everything I typed was taken the wrong way. All I wanted to do was meet face to face, hug them, look into their eyes, so they could see how I cared!! But they refused to meet with me. And to this day, sits a destroyed friendship over a misunderstood email between her and another friend that I wasn’t even originally part of. I believe that some people now use this modern technology to hide. Maybe they don’t like confrontation. Maybe they are a shy person in general. I get that, I understand. I have been on the receiving end of a confrontational email and a confrontational face to face conversation. Honestly the face to face one went much better because I respected the fact that they didn’t hide behind words. Where as the email just felt cowardly and a slight hit below the belt. And what makes it different? That non-verbal communication - of their hug, their eyes, their smile or just their physical presence. We are group of people that were made to be in communion with one another. And that means sharing and exchanging of thoughts and feelings - by definition. I treasure my face to face time with those that I love. I look forward to it, thrive in it and I am better because of it. Even if that means some hard words to exchange. I know that they cared enough to meet me. This week call up that friend, family member or acquaintance that you know you just need some good face to face time with. I’m sure they will want to see your face as much as you want to see theirs, and you’ll both feel better because of it. Always, Briana

Project 52 + Black & White (Week 3)

Briana Santiago is an Associate Photographer for Christopher Maddox Photography. Check back weekly to keep up with Briana's weekly 'Project 52' posts.

Unfortunately this week was kind of insane, as my husband has been out of town for 10 days and counting. Hence the reason I am posting my “Wednesday” post in the eleventh hour! But hey, its still Wednesday right?? I like to call myself a ‘part-time single mom’ as he travels for work.

For that reason, I wasn’t able to really play with my camera, as the week’s to-dos really caught up to me. So the image that I chose for today’s theme is actually a past bride and her father during their dance at her wedding.

I can’t say I have ever really taken a photo with the direct intentions of it being a photo that was going to be black and white. Back in the day you used to buy black and white film. Now in the digital age its just a simple swing of the ‘saturation’ bar and ‘voila!’ – its black and white.

Some photographers are accused of turning photos black and white to cover their ‘multitude of sins’. Do I use it that way? Yes, it’s true. Personally, I can use black and white for several different reasons.

#1 – Lighting: A picture was either too bright, too dark and turning it black and white is the only want to bring out the details.

#2 – Color: Sometimes blue doesn’t read blue, or too much yellow is in those dang florescent lights! I have seriously spent 15 minutes on one photo before, trying to get orange out of a bridesmaids self tanner only to leave the bride and the other bridesmaids looking sick. So I gave up and went black and white!

#3 – Clarity: Or lack thereof really… Yes we all hope that every picture out of our camera is as crisp as an early fall morning. BUT we are human and yes, there are photos that are a little on the blurry side. Though blurry some moments can be really touching and I’m not willing to toss them in the ‘trash can’ just yet. One final attempt is good ol’ black and white… it looks ‘artistic’! ;)

But also…

#4 – Mood: It really is true that some photos come alive in black and white! It just fits the mood of the moment.

But this got me thinking in how this relates in life.

In life, sometimes we turn moments to black and white for the same reasons.

As the saying goes… “I wish it were as easy as black and white”. Don’t you wish sometimes you could turn life black and white, just to make a little more sense of it? Or maybe just to make it ‘look a little better?” The lighting may be off, the color a little bland or maybe things are just a little blurry and hard to understand.

I learned through experience that its ok, and at time necessary, to “turn down the saturation” to gain a little more perspective. Maybe that’s a journal session, a talk with a good friend over coffee or maybe just a run with some time to think.

As a mom I have to purposely make time to do this. When life gets a little overwhelming I make moments to break life down, to help me see black to white.

Go buy a new journal and write it out. Remember the days of ‘Dear Journal’? The act of putting it down on paper – white paper, black ink – may be the trick. Call that friend that knows the core of who you are. Another perspective – and someone to remind you what is really important – may be the answer and reminder that you need. Grab those white tennis shoes, go hit the black tarmac and do some good ol’ sweat it out therapy.

I’m thankful for the people in my life who have helped me do such things. They help me see the black… to the gray… to the white… in order to breathe beautiful color back into the life I know I was meant to live.

I hope you find the same.

Always,
Briana